he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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