"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
