Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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