She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize