Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
