i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I deserve this hangover.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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