so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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