I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize