remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he puts the penis in happiness.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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