i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
