my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
