I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
