i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
