The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
