Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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