If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
