I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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