I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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