oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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