you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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