Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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