bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My bed smells like the plague
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
