glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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