I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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