I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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