Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We left an ass print on the piano.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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