3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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