Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
