You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My ass is underappreciated
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
