My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
