Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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