I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
