Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
