omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
