The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
