Your dad touched me again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
