Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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