What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize