is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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