Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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