am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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