Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
