You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
