you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
