You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
