Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
