hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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