I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
