Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
