**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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