Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
