R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
