I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
