I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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