I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
pray to the hookup gods
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
