Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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