just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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