The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
