im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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