this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she told me i tasted like america
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
