do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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