I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
