My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dicks are not precious.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
