I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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