The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
