We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
