I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you traded sex for a burrito?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
