I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
