I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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