Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's like heaven, but drunker
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
