btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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